Orion

icouldwritebooks:

icouldwritebooks:

I love it when the little kids I’m teaching online have complete and total misconceptions of what’s going on. So far, I’ve encountered the following:

1. I had been teaching a little girl for several months, when one day she said to me: “My mother says you’re a real person, not an app. If you’re a real person, show me your husband.”

2. I was about to end a class, but the little girl I was teaching didn’t want the class to end. She turned to her mom and asked if she could please watch one more episode. Turns out she was under the impression that I was a very interactive TV program.

3. I couldn’t find my marker in class today. The boy I was teaching was like, “What’s your apartment number? I’ll come up and help you find it!” The boy lives in China and I live in the United States. I guess most people he knows live in the same building as him, so he assumed I did too.

4. I had been teaching a kid for quite some time when I mentioned my age in class. She was like, “Wait, you’re an adult????” She’d thought I was twelve.

5. I just finished my last class of the night. At the end of it, the three year old girl (in China) wanted to know if she could come over and we could have the next class at my house.

pepperandpals:

Queso won’t let me help with his pin feathers, so I gotta pet a bird with another bird.

anchoress:

falsedetective:

it’s the year 2080. the expressions “the horse has left the hospital” and “between a crematorium and a dildo store” have fully entered the lexicon even though barely anyone remembers where they originated. one day the kids who live in the Amazon Temperate Habitat Bubble next door ask me what was between the proverbial crematorium and dildo store in the first place. i rip off my Amazoxygen® Ventilator and gasp, “the fucking horse” and immediately die from the polluted air in my probably-covid-ravaged lungs. haunted by these cryptic last words, the kids bury themselves in the ancient runes of the Internet Archive until they find the meme that unlocks it all. the horse was one of the last presidents of the late american empire, a lynchpin in the slow disintegration of the union. suddenly, a drone flies directly through the window. “forbidden word detected: ‘union’,” it says, gearing up its Amazon Brainbuster Electric Reinforcement System. they run